Holy Matrimony

“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder,” Matthew 19:4-6, KJV.

As I celebrated my marital vows made three years ago to my husband, I reflect on the meaning of marriage; and the above scripture as Jesus spoke sums it up perfectly. Marriage is between a man and a woman becoming one. In order to be one you must be on one accord; of like minds. It’s not a surprise that many relationships end up in divorce. This is because the minds are not alike. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV. It’s not enough that the person you may be dating knows about God and believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, it depends upon that person having accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior: salvation.

Let’s take a look at something I went through. Years ago before I was married, I noticed that as I moved through relationships I could never understand why I kept on experiencing the same disappointing things. I thought that I was being a good, caring girlfriend by making myself accessible whenever needed. In my mind I felt that was best…to be encouraging, positive, and available. The problem with that is you begin expecting the same thing out of that person—reciprocation. And when it is not, you’ve set yourself up for frustration. How did it get to this point? What was it that I was doing wrong? Although the avenues to get to the destination were different, the result was the same. How did I rectify this problem? I began directing those areas towards God. Remember when God said seek ye first the kingdom of God…? I had to ask myself whom was I seeking? Where was my focus? Where was my desire?

In one relationship before I got married, God said to me, “Stop being mad at that person for not being Me.” That was a profound statement that resonated within. I never thought that I was putting such a burden on another person. I wasn’t seeing things clearly as man is only man and the imposition of responsibility to live up to such high standards may have been a flaw within itself.

Now, this is not to say don’t have standards because I do not feel anyone should settle. And it wasn’t that I purposely looked to someone else to provide as God does, but God showed me that what He wanted to provide for me was a mate, not a duplicate of Himself. For He is sovereign, for He is One. And in the process of preparing my mate, He was also preparing me. God allowed me to see things within myself that I never knew existed. When a person looks into a clear mirror, all barriers from their eyes removed, then they can see clearly what the Lord is doing or showing them in their lives. Only without resistance from us can He truly move on our behalf. It is interesting that many want so much out of a potential mate, but not able to provide the core things they themselves are seeking. Let us do self-examination as the Word instructs and this will truly show us who we are (Matthew 7:3-5) before we begin placing demands as to what we expect from somebody else.